Knowing Exactly…

There is a feeling I get when I need to write. It’s a special combination of nausea and rage. It sits deep in my stomach and radiates out to my shaking hands. Today, right now, in this moment .. I must write.

The insurance claim portion of the rebuild is “complete” .

We hired a general contractor who completed the estimate for the interior build out. I took his quote and broke it down in to a room by room doing and not doing bullet pointed list and then we sat down with our former roommate to go through it line by line by line. Slowly. Painfully.

During that meeting we went another few rounds on the bathroom (we are building a walk in shower and widening the room so you can get your walker or a wheelchair in - but I need a double vanity - we are keeping the vanity and expanding the bathroom footprint so the toilet will sink back into the enormous closet - but where will my clothes go - we threw out most of them - i don’t want to move the toilet - we can’t build a roll in shower with the current space. should we go to a single vanity - i need a double vanity… etc. etc.). She agreed for the 3rd time to the bathroom and then signed the contract. We gave her the total dollar amount. She didn’t flinch. We gave her the down payment amount. She didn’t flinch. She held too much eye contact for my comfort level (like she was trying too hard not to flinch) but S shrugged it off. (bigger worries and all that).

We schedule the final walk through and materials selection and sign off at the property. A few days before the meeting S called her to remind her she needs a check for the down payment and SURPRISE she hasn’t even called her financial advisor yet. She also hasn’t done her taxes in a few years. And if you’re wondering why on earth not.. join the club. It’s as if she has no personal responsibility or urgency over anything in her life.

Today was the meeting. As they reviewed the prior selections she changed all of them. She wants upgrades. She is absolutely not changing the bathroom. The toilet is staying put. She isn’t worried about access to the shower. She wasn’t able to walk in and visualize the space with the guys because she fell again IN HER ONE BEDROOM APARTMENT and believes some ribs are broken and breathing is labored and extra walking is completely off the table. She was so unreasonable for so long that her beloved- even keeled- can deal with anything son walked out on the meeting so he could rage to me over the phone. As you know I am in no way shape or form even keeled so I definitely raged right back. We are perfectly aligned in our rage.

When the general contractor left the meeting he called S to give an update. After S left our former roommate had him give an estimate for finishing the bathroom in the basement. And hooking up the washer and dryer in the basement. AND ALLSTAR CONSTRUCTION from Apple Valley “managed” by ASSOCIA PROPERTY MANAGEMENT better not have billed for that for that because completing that item was definitely in the claim. (You KNOW I know that claim inside and out.) They also didn’t properly hook up the heat exchanger so it isn’t usable. And they didn’t use waterproof sheetrock around the SHOWER and those are only the things we know about and still can’t do a damn thing about it because the homeowner doesn’t care, the association doesn’t care, everyone involved has been instructed not to speak to us, AND SHE SIGNED THE WAIVER saying no matter what no one will ever sue them which I have already been mad about for 14 months because it basically gave them permission to do a shitty job.

At the end of the meeting she handed the GC the check but asked him to hold it because she doesn’t think it will clear. Of course not. Did I tell you she is stressed out because the HOA assessed her the $10K deductible on the claim? The one we had built in to all her final numbers because it is a fact and the one that the former HOA president allegedly told her “not to worry about” and that he would “take care of it” and even at the time I told her that was a lie but she does not listen to me and that must be very hard for her because I am so very often completely right.

And by the way, Associa has also fined her $600 for overdue association fees but apparently the payment coupons are ripped out of the booklet so she feels she paid them. OMG. So look at your checkbook register. Check your bank statement. Do you want me to? I will! I would love to go through your finances. This is a super easy fix. Super easy. But she can’t figure it out. But she can absolutely figure out how to lie to her son about what she will agree to and then go behind his back and do the opposite when she finally pushes him hard enough to leave the meeting.

Do you watch “This is Us”? Randall and Beth play this game with each other called "“Worst Case Scenario”. When they are presented with a stressful or uncertain situation they volley back and forth with what a worst case scenario could be. Unfortunately, we don’t need to play this game because we already know. She will run out of money before the work is done, and/or hurt herself so badly that she is unable to move back. And there are no other options for her. Both due to her lack of finances and her insistence on smoking 2 packs a day inside. I digress. And while we know exactly what the worst case scenario is, and no doubt you do as well at this point, she doesn’t know it. She doesn’t believe it. She is ignoring it. And there IS ABSOLUTELY NOONE ELSE WHO WILL TELL HER. Her best friend has dementia and the one sister who will still talk to her is a positive sister, not a hard truth sister. I have tried to engage her in the past to be on team reality but have failed. She only has S and I. And we are actually good people. (outside of the rage blogging behind her back). We do actually want the best outcome for her. We are not trying to manipulate her. (Though, if I could do the thing Britney Spears Dad did to Britney I totally would. It’s just that I researched it and the first step is her agreeing that she can’t make decisions for herself. And she thinks she totally can. Designer tile in the shower and all that. )

There are days when we think “Is this intentional or did she forget?” “Is she confused about what that conversation was about?” “This is a big project. I bet she doesn’t remember what she said it does get confusing” …. but then there are days like today when she says one thing to our face and then as soon as we disappear she intentionally manipulates the situation to what she wants. Yes, S should have stayed. But if he stayed he would have screamed at her. Yes. I should have been there. But she shuts down faster if I am there. I don’t bite my tongue like he does and it is always a balancing act to figure out how to get to where we need to be the fastest.

So here we sit. Knowing exactly what needs to happen and not being able to do it. Knowing exactly what things are happening that shouldn’t be and not being able to stop it. Knowing exactly how this will end and just being forced to sit on the sidelines until it does.

And she forgot my babies birthday. Not even a freaking card. She has ONE GRANDCHILD. ONE.