#Couchgate
This morning I was cornered in my kitchen by my new roommate. Apparently she went to her apartment yesterday to bitch out the office staff because her couch wouldn’t fit. Allegedly she also:
Offered to pay her full lease amount for the 8 months in full and never move in
Then asked them to find her an apartment on the first floor
Then asked for a studio apartment on the first floor for her to move in to because “I don’t need that whole back bedroom.”
So to be clear, she is so spiteful about me moving 3 additional pieces in to her back bedroom (the chair, a lamp and a table for the lamp to sit on) that she would actually go out of her way to look for a smaller apartment. All of this with a reckless disregard for how much time and energy and money that first move cost.
“I thought you liked the bigger apartment.” I said. “I thought you preferred the second floor apartment because it made you feel safer.”
Yes, but I really love that couch.
“What is the plan, then?” I asked with an internal grimace.
I’ll have to special order a new couch and pay full price for it.
“OK. So I will call the movers and have the couch from our house moved into the apartment until then.”
Her face. Equal parts disgust and confusion.
NO.
And then she quickly changed the subject to what she owes me on my cable. (You, dear reader, will be spared that). Once again the whole not having a phone at the apartment came up so I offered to meet her over at her apartment at 11 to hook it up. I drove to the office and I relayed the whole conversation to S and told him he absolutely needed to be there with me when I met her at the apartment because only one of us was coming out alive. And it wasn’t going to be here. I told him it was her or us but we were not all going to be at my house next week together. I basically buried him with insanity and words and tears and he could do nothing but stare at me. And then agree because he gets it and he is team us.
S and I went to the apartment and outside K was totally there. Suzy Sunshine. Talking about how nice the apartment looked and some other bullshit that I don’t believe. The phone didn’t connect and I did field an additional 3 questions about the cable and why didn’t it work and then I did engage in an argument with her when she pretended the fridge at my house was empty. She has this super stupid confused look when she talks to me. Like… I must clearly be crazy if I think there is any food in that fridge.
What fridge?
YOUR FRIDGE AT MY HOUSE. IT IS FULL OF FOOD.
No it isn’t.
S and I discovered that the movers didn’t look on the left side of the building and that stairwell is wider and the landings are larger and the couch should fit just fine. So we informed our new roommate and she called the furniture store and my goodness, they said they could deliver it tomorrow if not today. We should wait for a call.
LIES.
I spoke to her salesperson who was shocked that I thought a delivery could happen today or tomorrow. No way did she say that to our new roommate.
Perhaps I’ll just pretend I didn’t call her salesperson and the warehouse and reschedule the couch fiasco for Wednesday. Perhaps I’ll disconnect the cable from my house and get it connected at hers and without a TV to watch perhaps she will get out.
That is what I’ll do. That is exactly what I’ll do.
Bye.